What Wizard's Want
by wrongturn
Summary: Harry can hear the wizards thinking. He can hear their dreams and Ron's thoughts that don't match his words. Malfoy thinkings he's PRETTY? Uh oh. Funnyness. HPDM r
1. I

DISCLAIMER: If you actually find someone on ff.net that does actually own something, I'll eat my foot. 

* * *

**What Wizards Want**

**Chapter one:** Normality 

It was a relatively normal morning. And as relatively mornings go, something bizarre is always inclined to fall upon an unsuspecting victim. 

So there it would happen, as the bright morning sun blinded the unlucky Gryffindor's that had forgotten to draw their hangings, doze lazily in their beds. 

And Harry Potter woke up. 

He squinted at the bright light hurting his eyes and dragged himself out of bed, falling to the floor with a thump. 

"_Bloody rats,"_ said Seamus testily. 

Harry glared over at the Irishman's bed. Was it just him, or did the boy have a slight echo to his voice? 

"Shut up," said Harry his voice muffled by the scarlet carpet. 

There was a long stretch of silence. 

"D'you say something, Harry?" 

If Harry hadn't gone back to sleep he might have noticed that the voice - no doubt still that one belonging to Seamus - was less crisp and awake, but dusted with sleep and fatigue. 

He woke up later when Ron trod on him. 

"Ow." 

"Sorry mate," Ron apologised hastily. "Didn't see you there. Bloody git - lying in the middle of the bloody walkway. Who does he think he is? Oh, yeah. The Great Harry Fucking Potter." 

He rolled over, outraged and confused. Hate and hurt rose in his stomach. Ron was disappearing into the adjoining bathroom but Harry wasn't done. 

"What the hell do you mean by that?!" he shrieked after the retreating redhead's back. 

_"A simple apology not enough for the GREAT HARRY POTTER?!_ Mean by what, mate?" 

Harry's insides twisted with frustration. 

"By calling me that - that - _you know!"_

"What the fuck are you two arguing about NOW?!" shouted Dean behind the shroud of velvet hangings. "I've just been bloody kissed by a guy and you two are arguing so early!" 

_What the-? _Harry laid very still on the floor, aware that he was probably going to have a carpet imprint on his face. 

There was a slam of a bathroom door, the running of a cold water tap and the opening of hangings. Dean felt like he needed to contribute. 

He cocked his head to one side. Dean was all concern. 

"What's up, Harry - and why are you on the _floor_?" 

Harry refused to move for fifteen minutes. And carpet dust wasn't very nice exhaled up ones nose. 

*-*-*- 

He had slipped out moodily while no one was looking without a shower into a strangely loud common room. 

It was in the hallways after he'd nearly collided with Malfoy on the stairs that he winded himself by crashing into Goyle as the Slytherin moved out of the way with unnatural grace. 

"Potter you clumsy fag!" he shouted. "Watch where you're going or is that mop on your head getting in the way?" 

"Shut it, Malfoy!" he yelled back. Harry was at the end of his tether and he wasn't going to stand there and listen to two-sided comments from Malfoy _as well!_

They faced each other with tensed muscles and glares that could kill even the healthiest potted plants. 

Harry's face turned into a menacing snarl and his green eyes flashed dangerously. "Why are you standing in the middle of the hallway for, anyway? You might late for potions and we wouldn't want that!" he stalked off. 

"_Goddamn Potter's so pretty he thinks he doesn't even need to brush his hair!"_

Harry spun around. He and Malfoy were a safe distance away not to be able to muggle duel, but each had their hands deep in their pockets, cold hands curled around their wands. 

Malfoy chuckled in a way that one does when they're chuckling only to themselves. 

"My hair is naturally like this!" said Harry, infuriated, with mounting annoyance. "Look at you: MR CEMENT HAT!" 

Malfoy raised his menacing grey armour shaded eyes slowly to meet Harry's. 

"Excuse me?" 

"MY HAIR!" he shouted. "MY-!" 

"Mr. Potter! - As delighted as we are to hear about your girlish fetishes, you are late for my class." 

"Yes. Sir." Harry glared at the professor, gritted his teeth and followed suit. Side by silent side with the blond Slytherin. 

"_Insufferable little show-off - thinks he can be late for my class and we'll bow down for him? I don't think so."_

Harry frowned at the strange use of tenses Snape was using, but another voice interrupted. 

"_By God he even _walks funny!" Malfoy cackled. Harry's fingers itched to choke the pale white throat. 

_Hold on_ Harry frowned. _Why wasn't Malfoy's mouth moving?? Am I going blind?!_

Malfoy was also ignoring him! 

_"I bet he doesn't even bathe!"_

"I WASH EVERY MORNING - YOUR MOUTH!" 

_Erm… except this morning…_

Snape was facing him in a billow of robes. _"Silence!"_

_"My mouth? Wonderfully luscious as it is, what's Potter's problem? Surely… surely he's not GAY??!"_

"No!" he shouted. 

"SILENCE!" 

Snape whipped open the dungeon door and they followed in. As usually it was gloomy and smelling of damp and pickles. 

The class settled down thinking that Snape had been yelling at them and Harry separated from Malfoy and his goons. 

Though the noise did decrease slightly, it was as overwhelming sharp smells and rambling voices. 

Harry felt like yelling at the class to shut up. Really, they were so LOUD! But Snape was carrying on regardless of the noise. 

Harry stared at the back of Deans head. _"On kiss doesn't make me gay, does it? I mean, especially when I didn't start it…"_

Harry shook his head to clear his thoughts. Who was Dean talking to and why was he advertising the fact that he was GAY?! 

Harry shifted uncomfortably. 

_ "I can't believe Harry was acting so weird. And what's with turning up with Malfoy?"_ each sentence of Ron's was coming out slower than the next. 

_ "Jesus Patil's looking good today-!" _

"Hell, I just sat on a fucking quill!" 

"What's Snape talking about - hey, are those things edible..." 

Harry's head was starting to ache. Every guy in the class was creating a horrendous amount of noise! He held his head. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!! 

I can't hear myself THINK! Wait… holy shit. Thinking! They're... THINKING. I can here them think. At least I'm not going cra- 

**MALFOY THINKS I'M PRETTY!**

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An idea borrowed from 'What Women Want'. But, of course, it might be slash. 

a/n if anyone likes it, I'll continue. 


	2. II

DISCLAIMER: My foot is still intact, so it seems no one owns nothing. 

**Chapter two:** _A Well may be Deep but a Rope may be Short_

_I can't hear myself THINK! Wait… holy shit. Thinking! They're... THINKING. I can here them think. At least I'm not going cra- _

MALFOY THINKS I'M PRETTY! 

"Potter! Climb back on your chair at once and stop making a mockery of my classroom. Though _others_ may appreciate your asinine antics, I can assure you I **do not!**" 

Grumbling and catching his breath, Harry tried to climb back onto his chair, flinching at Ron's touch. 

_It's just Ron…_ But somehow, knowing that it really _was_ Ron, didn't make the situation any better. 

Ron shot him a supportive look after having his hands slapped away for the fifth time. "I'm not good enough to **touch** you now?!" 

Harry recalled the _'Harry-fucking-Potter'_ remark with climbing fury and shot him dark looks all lesson wondering about the odds of the ceiling above Ron's head collapsing spontaneously. 

Every second he was itching it hit Ron, but instead listened aimlessly to his thoughts honeyed with the presence Hermione. 

"_Wow, look at Hermione. Putting her hand up like that--she's so brave… and smart… and studious… hey, did Lavender just wink at me? She's so brave… and… smart… and…"_

Harry could just tell his head was going to explode that very second. He needed to stop listening to Ron and put his "gift" to use… 

Did I just hear Lavender say something? 

Harry leaned forward on his chair. It didn't work very inconspicuously; but Harry was Harry. 

Snape started shouting. "POTTER! GET OFF THE FLOOR!" 

The Slytherin's snickered and Ron helped Harry back up. Too bad he yelped and jumped away batting Ron's hands. 

Panting but triumphant from getting back onto his chair on his own Harry slumped back. It wasn't even lunch and he was **exhausted**. 

Malfoy's silky voice drifted over. "What's this? Has Potter finally realised how dirty Weasel's actually are?" 

They spent the rest of the lesson in silence while Harry tried to catch any thoughts of Lavender's or Parvati's floating his way. It wasn't until Snape left the dungeons taking Seamus to the hospital ring after eating some of the potion ingredients set out for the lesson that Ron's freckly face swam into view of Harry's glazed over eyes. 

Ron swung around to interrupt Harry's thoughts. Harry jumped and forgot Malfoy and his strange comment. He was surprised and the quill dropped out of his hands slicking ink all over his parchment. 

After a moment Ron whispered "Harry!" 

Harry said flatly, "what." 

"Did Lavender just wink at me?" 

Harry turned away in disgust and resumed his overlarge handwriting knowing that however many times he counted the lines the number wasn't going to increase. 

"Jealous bugger," Ron thought after a while. "Just because Parvati fancies me. Wait… no. …No, that's right." 

* * *

It was finally the last straw when Ron thought Harry _moved as slow as a truck without wheels._

Now, Harry didn't know how Ron _knew_ what a truck was, let alone use it in a simile accurately but he spun around angrily to face him. 

Unleashing all his angry-Potter wrath, he hit Ron right in the eye and the poor Gryffindor was on the ground in a daze. 

"SHUT UP!" Harry yelled. "You just GO ON! And ON! AND ON! Just SHUT UP!" 

With all that said, Harry was sadly deflated but not as deflated as to not to want to give Ron one last good kick. But Malfoy stopped him. What he said, not thought, any way. Harry's ears pricked up. 

"Why Potter, I think you finally have some sense in you," said a - could it possibly be - an almost impressed Malfoy?? 

* * *

Later when the sun had long gone and the boys in the Gryffindor dorms were already dressed in old flannel pyjamas and half asleep Harry finally relaxed. 

_It had been a **long** day_. 

Neville snoring made Harry jump. 

_And it still wasn't over…_

"Come here little house-elf…" Seamus cooed from the other bed obviously half asleep. When Harry has climbed back into his skin he lay there listening to the Irish lad. But it wasn't just Seamus talking either, no, Ron joined in. 

"Hey, did Snape just wink at me?" 

"_HE_ KISSED _ME_, STUPID JELLO!" 

Harry ripped his hangings away, pulled his robes over his pyjamas and slammed the door loudly. 

He groaned to himself, "this is too much…" 

Harry trudged along to the kitchens, slightly weary of the house-elves because of Seamus's slurred words and vowed he was not going to go anywhere near any Jello. 

His feet were freezing. Harry tickled the pear and climbed down to the kitchens. There was a tense silence in there House-elves always waited in while they checked that they had pleased their superiors. 

The portrait shut behind him and Harry relaxed when he heard no house-elf thoughts. Either they were complete airheads, or just immune. 

_ "Hell the slaves have outdone themselves this time. It's alright. I suppose. The creampuffs could be better and __when_ did I ask for this… **pumpkin pastie?"**

Harry's stomach flipped. 

Malfoy came to notice him. He said with disinterest, _"oh, its you. I hope he knows these creampuffs are mine. Well, there's that one on the floor he can have. Seeking better company I see?"_

Harry couldn't answer. What was thought and what was speech he didn't know. All he knew is he was not eating creampuffs off the floor. 

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A/n: I hope it didn't suck to much. I'll probably wrap the story up next chapter if anyone's interested? Hope you stick around 'til then! 

ps. Poor Ron, its not that I don't like him, only well… Ron is Ron. Oh yeah, thank you to **DumbledoresQuill**; **Brenna8**; **Nott**; **Hayley**; **slytherins angel**; **Renny**; **Artemis Astralstar**; **Alleus**; **Twilight-Tinuviel**; and **Sagiri** for taking the time to review. Thanks. 

Reviews appreciated. They inspire me. ;) 


	3. dont bother reading thiswill be deleted

Sorry I uploaded a new chapter instead of replacing the text. This will be removed as soon as I have the next chapter up. Stupid to me. Don't review this chapter. Review two. I'm going to go away and shoot myself now. 


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